Preface and Acknowledgement
Preface
In our society, discussing anything related to sexuality remains a social taboo. Conversations about diverse sexual orientations or gender identities often invite judgment, with individuals being unfairly labelled or misunderstood.
Over the years, I’ve met remarkable individuals who have courageously shared their journeys of living with what society calls "deviated" sexual orientations. I’ve also spoken extensively with psychologists, psychiatrists, endocrinologists, and researchers, immersing myself in literature and guides, including resources from the World Health Organization. These encounters and studies inspired me to write this book.
This narrative blends elements of fantasy with real-life experiences. While the characters—Pallavi, Alka, and Yogesh—are fictionalized for privacy, their stories are drawn from real people whose lives I’ve witnessed closely. Through their voices, I aim to highlight not only the struggles but also the aspirations and triumphs of those navigating the complexities of gender identity.
I’ve also included perspectives on medical advancements, imagining futures where dreams of acceptance and motherhood become more attainable for those undergoing gender-affirming surgeries. While some may view this novel as slow or overly detailed, my goal is to explore the emotional depth and transformative process of becoming one’s true self.
Above all, this is a love story—a story about love for oneself, for others, and for life. Through this book, I hope to shed light on the challenges faced by trans individuals and offer insights to foster understanding and compassion.
Acknowledgement
I am thankful to my friends (cds & non-cds), relatives, students, medical professionals, LGBT groups and Alka. I could write this story only because of their care, warmth, support and understanding.
Chapter 1: Award Function
The clock struck 6:10 PM, and I caught my reflection in the mirror. "Pallavi," I whispered to myself, "forty-five minutes left. You need to be ready when Yogesh arrives."
I draped my blue saree, its delicate fabric hugging me perfectly, and paired it with a sleeveless blouse. The pearl necklace I wore shimmered against my skin, complementing my bangles and the soft chime of my payals as I moved. Long earrings dangled gracefully, brushing against my cheeks, and I left my hair loose—just the way Yogesh liked it. A glance at the mirror confirmed everything was in place. Satisfied, I went to the kitchen for a glass of water, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
The doorbell rang sharply, pulling me out of my thoughts. I opened the door to Yogesh’s familiar, cheerful smile. He wrapped me in a warm hug, his embrace as grounding as ever.
“Can you make me some strong coffee while I get ready?” he asked, his voice light and teasing.
I nodded and set about preparing coffee, the sound of the kettle bubbling a comforting routine. Moments later, with cups in hand, we left for the award ceremony.
The hall buzzed with anticipation. Names were announced one after another, and the applause that followed filled the space with warmth and pride. When my name was called, the room seemed to pause for a second, the announcer’s voice slicing through the hum of chatter.
“Pallavi receives the Achiever of the Year award under a special category.”
A wave of emotion swept over me as the announcer continued, detailing my decade-long journey. “Pallavi’s relentless dedication has uplifted countless special women, giving them the tools to live with dignity and respect. A trans-woman who transitioned 12 years ago, she has devoted her life to creating opportunities for others. Through her organization, ‘Parivartan,’ she has established beauty parlors, dance and documentary production ventures, and an academy for graphic design and web-based training. Today, with 21 branches across India, her efforts have directly benefited 57 trans-women. This year, the collective turnover of her ventures surpassed ₹3 crores.”
The applause thundered as I walked to the stage, a smile steadying my nerves. Standing at the microphone, I took a deep breath.
“Thank you to the jury and the sponsoring agency for this honor,” I began, my voice firm but tinged with emotion. “This award isn’t just for me. It’s for every trans-woman who dares to dream, who fights for dignity in a world that often refuses to see her humanity.
“Twelve years ago, when I transitioned, opportunities for respectful employment were almost nonexistent. Society labeled us as outcasts—Hijras or Eunuchs—stripping us of our individuality and worth. Yet, we are no different from anyone else. Those of us who undergo medically approved transitions are recognized as women, both legally and medically. We are trans-women—special, yes, but also strong and capable.
“Most of us receive little to no support from our families. Many are forced into dance clubs, bars, or worse, into the sex trade, simply to survive. I was fortunate. My education, training in classical dance, and professional experience gave me a head start, but I owe everything to the people who stood by me: my mother, my Masi, my first wife Alka, dear friends, my boss, and my now-husband Yogesh.”
I paused, letting the words settle. “Together, we envisioned a future where trans-women could live with respect and pride. From those early discussions, ‘Parivartan’ was born. While the journey hasn’t been easy, with the support of my team and countless well-wishers, we have created something meaningful. Today, I ask you all—accept us, understand us. We are educated, sensitive, and trustworthy individuals. There is nothing to fear.”
I smiled, looking out at the audience. “To families with members experiencing sexual orientation or gender identity struggles, I urge you: don’t be angry or ashamed. Support them. Seek qualified medical guidance, and most importantly, show them love.
“In the coming years, we plan to expand our services—launching online training programs, a courier service, and extending our beauty parlors into fitness centers. These will include yoga, meditation, and nutritional advice. Please visit our website, www.parivartan.org, to learn more.”
The audience rose in applause as I concluded, “Thank you for giving me this platform to share our story. Together, we can create a more inclusive and compassionate world.”
As I returned to my seat, Yogesh beamed with pride. “You were incredible,” he whispered.
The evening ended with congratulations from friends and strangers alike. Among them was a young journalist, Nandini, who approached me with a polite smile.
“Ms. Pallavi, your story is remarkable,” she said. “I would love to interview you. At your convenience, of course.”
Touched by her earnestness, I agreed. “Come to my home in three days,” I replied. “And please visit our website beforehand—it’ll give you a better sense of our work.”
Nandini nodded, and as she walked away, I felt a spark of hope. My story was just one among many, but perhaps it could inspire understanding and change.
Chapter-02 Interview starts
On Friday night at around 9.30 p.m. Pallavi's mobile rang up, she saw it was Nandini so she picked up.
Pallavi: Hello Nandini. How are you?
Nandini: I am fine Pallavi. Can we meet tomorrow evening?
Pallavi: Did you go through my website?
Nandini: Yes, very informative and you have roped in quite big name as Medical Consultants. I had no idea that there can be so many different types of consultants in the field of sexually deviated behavior. Thanks for creating such a valuable website.
Pallavi: This is the need of the time, I tried and got support. When do you wish to come?
Nandini: Around 6 p.m.
Pallavi: I will return around 7:30 p.m. Is it convenient for you to come around 8 p.m., we will take dinner together and then discuss the matter.
Nndini: Thanks for dinner invitation but I will take dinner at my place and come to you around 9 p.m. if you are comfortable.
Pallavi: Please don’t feel shy and don’t say no. We are taking dinner together and dont change your program.
Nandini: OK. I will come at 8 p.m. Are you sure you will get freshen by that time or I come little letter.
Pallavi: Keep it 8 p.m. and we are taking dinner together. Good night.
Nandini: Good night and she disconnected the mobile.
Pallavi came home around 6:45. She asked Sudha [her cook] to make tea and bring biscuits along with it. She asked will dinner be ready by 8 p.m.?
Sudha: Surely Pallaviben and in ten minutes she served Pallavi tea and biscuits.
Pallavi took it and went to bathroom to take shower. Bath made her fresh.
She put on red color Salwar Kameez and looked at wall clock. It was only 7:30 so she picked up magazine 'Humanoscope" and started reading it.
At 8:15 p.m. door bell rang, she got up, went there and opened it. She saw Nandini, greeted her warmly, led her to drawing room and made her sit comfortably on sofa near her chair.
After initial formality she asked Nandinim should we take dinner first as dinner is ready or you prefer to take late?
Nandini: Is it ok for you to take dinner after 9:30 p.m.?
Pallavi: I have no problem but it is better if we take it now because Sudha want to go for picture in 10 p.m. show.
Nandini: Ok, let us take dinner now.
Pallavi: Sudha, please serve the dinner, we are taking dinner now.
They finished dinner and Pallavi took Nandini in her room, instead of drawing room. She told her that any time Yogesh will come and see TV and my daughter will also return now so there will be disturbance.
Both were comfortably seated in Pallavi’s room
Pallavi: How have you planned to go about my story?
Nandini: I have made no planning at all. Tell me in your natural way, whatever comes in your mind. Please don’t worry about the time sequence now, we can revise it at later stage.
I will take notes and ask in between if needed. If you give permission I will also record it on tape recorder?
Pallavi: I have no objection; it may be helpful to go on more detailing or some clarification if required.
Give me first few minutes to at least make a list of main stages of my life. This is my first interview and I thought you will ask me questions which will chart our course of discussion. I have not prepared anything but I was thinking of writing my autobiography I have prepared outlines. Let me find out if it is of any use. She gave Nandini few magazines to go though in the mean time.
In about 15 minutes Pallavi said, she has found it and ready for interview.
Nandini took diary in hand and also started tape recorder.
Pallavi: I prefer going in this sequence. The main stages are:
1. Childhood before visiting my masi Nina [mother's sister]
2. First vacation with Nina masi
3. Returned to native place
4. Going to Nina masi for study [School and college]
5. Had to post pone my treatment of sex change operation while in USA.
6. Job in India.
7. Marriage with Alka - Support and encouragement from her, my wife
8. Preparation to undergo sex change operation and changed my sex.
9. With Job started my NGO
10. Birth of my daughter
11. Left job and fulltime working for my NGO.
Nandini: I am fine with whatever you are going to say so should we start with Childhood before visiting my masi Nina [mother's sister]?
