Anandita.

Darshini and Atulya walked down to the restaurant around the corner from where their office stood. They were chatting about an upcoming project that would require Atulya to travel abroad for several months.“So, how’s Anand taking it?”
.“Taking what?”.“The fact that you will be away for several months”.“Haven’t told him yet”.“What? Why not?”.
“Will let him know eventually”.“Your departure date is four weeks away!”.“I know, I know” said Atulya.
Darshini had noticed something odd about Atulya in the past few months. She was spending more and more time at the office.
“Is everything ok with you and Anand?”.“Let’s just say that we’re not seeing eye to eye on some issues”.“Oh?”.
“He thinks I’m too focused on my career and not spending enough time at home”.“Which is fair. I see you at work all the time”.
“Well you are at work too”.“That because I’m unattached, my girl” said Darshini laughing.“I have to focus on my career now. I cannot allow any distractions”.“Then why did you get married? Even if your mom pressured you, you should have resisted right? Is it right to take it out on Anand?”.“Right, you also take his side” said Atulya crossly.“Listen Atulya, we’ve been friends for how long now? Five years? I’ve always spoken my mind to you. You know that. I’m just saying what I feel is right”.“Sorry, that was unfair of me” said Atulya.“I think he is cheating on me”.“What? Anand? No way”.“I saw a bottle of women’s perfume that didn’t belong to me under the bed”.“Oh god. You know I’m not a big fan of men. Anand is one person who I thought was different”.
“So did I”.“Did you confront him?”.“No, I didn’t”.“Why not?”.Atulya remained silent.Darshini felt anger rising up inside her. “How dare he do this to my friend?” she thought.They ate a quiet lunch and got back to work. On their way back, Darshini saw Atulya exchanging what seemed to be more than a smile with one of the secretaries, Pushpa. “What was that about?” Thought Darshini to herself.Given Darshini’s goading, Atulya told Anand about her work trip that evening. They argued about it but Atulya said that it was done and dusted and she could not back out of the trip now. “This is why I postponed telling him till the end” thought Atulya to herself. Still arguing at the end of the evening, they slept in separate beds. It seemed to be happening far too often now.The day of Atulya’s departure came and Anand dropped her off at the airport. Darshini was there to see Atulya off as well. As Atulya was about to go past security, she and Anand hugged but there was awkwardness.Darshini and Anand stood and waved to Atulya till she disappeared from sight.“Do you have time for a cup of coffee?” asked Darshini.“Sure today is a Saturday. So not much to do” said Anand smiling.“My place is nearby. If you’re up for it, we can go there”.“Sure, that sounds perfect”.
Darshini drove her car and Anand followed her in his. Anand parked his car on the street and took the elevator up to Darshini’s apartment. He rang the bell and Darshini opened in a few seconds. As he entered, he smelt the coffee brewing. Darshini waved him in and said “You haven’t been to this place since I moved in, right?”.“No, I haven’t. We don’t meet as often as we used to do at your previous place. I… We thought you might be otherwise occupied…” said Anand.Darshini looked at Anand and his smile.
“Oh, come on” said Darshini snorting.Hearing the coffee pot complete the cycle, she went up and filled two mugs. “Still milk and no sugar?” She asked.“You remember perfectly”.She brought the cups over and sat down with him at the dining table. They chatted a little about inconsequential matters before Darshini got to the point.“Listen, there is a reason why I asked you to have coffee”.“I know. You’re not the kind of person who wants to have coffee and chat about inconsequential things”.
“You know me well. So, I had a conversation with Atulya a few weeks before she left. Please don’t think that I’m meddling in your relationship. I love her as a friend and I now count you among my dear friends as well. I value you as a human being even more than I value her as one – don’t ever tell her that. What I mean is that I think you are one of the most decent human beings on the planet and you know how I feel about men in general”. She paused at this point.Anand looked at her expectantly waiting for her to continue.“So, it came as a shock to me when I heard from Atulya about something”.“What did you hear?”.“That you might be having an affair”.“What? That… is… the most… ridiculous thing… I’ve ever heard”.“So, you deny it?”.“Of course, I deny it. I mean, why wouldn’t I?”.“Hmm, then how do you explain the bottle of perfume she found under your bed?”.“Perfume? What perfume?” said Anand buying time as he was furiously trying to think of a reason to give Darshini.“So it is true. You’re buying time to think of a response” said Darshini looking at Anand accusingly.Anand grew quiet. He thought for a few minutes.
“F*** it. Fine, the truth had to come out some time” said Anand.“Here it comes” thought Darshini.
But contrary to her expectations, Anand’s eyes teared up. She was confused by the contrarian signals. She expected him to defiantly confess to having an affair but why was he breaking down instead?“You’re the first to ever know this. I’ve kept this hidden for far too long and the guilt has been killing since I got married to Atulya”.“Oh, oh! Maybe I stepped into something far deeper here than I imagined” thought Darshini.“I know whose perfume Atulya found. It was mine”.Darshini’s mind reeled at the revelation.“Wha….”.At this point, tears flowed freely on Anand’s face. “There I said it. That perfume is mine. I’m a crossdresser. I like to dress in women’s clothes, alright?”.Darshini was so taken aback that she didn’t know how to react. On one hand her heart leapt. On the other, she was feeling guilty.Automatically, she just hugged Anand who started to cry. She held him till his crying subsided.“I’m so sorry to force the truth out of you this way. I had no idea”.“It’s ok. I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my chest. I know you’ll convey this to Atulya and that we’ll head for a divorce but I should’ve seen this coming”.
Anand collected his thoughts and continued “Once I got married, I decided to never crossdress again and threw out all my stuff but the desire came back and in full force. I feel ashamed and at the same time, I cannot help it. The fact that Atulya and I were drifting apart only made that desire even stronger. I thought that having a child could make us closer and in the process I could get away from dressing but she’s reluctant to do it. She says it is for her career but I’m sure there’s more to it than that”.
“What do you mean?”.“These last few months, I see her come in late from work. I’m the one who does the laundry in the house and her clothes smell of perfume that she’s never had at home. I thought I was just hallucinating but this happened with regular frequency in the last couple of months. I even see stains on her panties”.Darshini was looking even more confounded. “So you think she’s having an affair?”.“Yes, one where she is seeing someone else wearing a different perfume”.Something clicked in Darshini’s mind. “Do you know what kind of perfume it was?”.“Yes, it is that new brand that came on the market about a year ago”.Darshini processed the information for a second. She had a vague inkling about it.“You don’t know anything about it?” asked Anand.“I’m sorry Anand. If I’d know anything about this, I’d have questioned her just the way I questioned you now. You two are both dear to me and I’d hate to see your marriage fall apart”.“I think it already has. These days every conversation of ours ends in an argument. We haven’t even slept on the same bed in a couple of months”.“Let me think about this. Please give me sometime to process” said Darshini.Anand nodded and got up to leave.“Why don’t you stay for dinner and go?”.“I…”.“You’re the one who said that it is a Saturday”.“Ok, fine, I’ll stay. Don’t you find it uncomfortable in the presence of a person who just accepted to you that he’s a crossdresser?” asked Anand curiously.“No, it most definitely does not. You see me right? I exclusively wear men’s clothes and even undergarments. I’m a crossdresser. No one gives me grief for it. You, on the other hand, would be derided if you wanted to do it. I think it is unfair”.Anand looked at Darshini in admiration.“Come on, it’s not like I’m a saint. I’m just stating what is fair” said Darshini laughing.“Just for saying that, I’ll make dinner today” said Anand and went to the kitchen.
“What is your favorite dish?” He asked.“Baingan bharta and biryani” said Darshini without batting an eyelid.
“Ok” said Anand as he surveyed what supplies Darshini had. “You have nothing here that I can use for making them”.
“You do know that I was joking right?”.“I, on the other hand, was not. Now, make yourself useful and go get this list of things from the grocery store. In the meanwhile, I’ll start the prep work with whatever I have here” said Anand writing out a list of supplies at the same time.When Darshini came back, she smelt the beginnings of some mouthwatering food. She stood around gawking. Anand got annoyed and said “Why don’t you go do something? I’ll call you when dinner is ready”.Darshini nodded dumbly and went and turned on the TV to watch something.About an hour and a half later, Anand said “Dinner is ready. Can you set the table?”.
Darshini dutifully followed Anand’s directions and set the table. Anand brought over a steaming hot casserole and laid it on the table. Darshini took the lid off and said “Oh my god, this smells heavenly”. She walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a wine bottle and two glasses.Tasting the food, Darshini complimented Anand and he accepted the compliments gracefully. They had wine along with the food. Darshini drank most of the bottle and got tipsy. They sat down on the sofa but Darshini soon fell asleep. Anand carried her to the bedroom and laid her on her bed. He covered her in a blanket and walked out turning off all the lights on his way out. He left a note saying “Thanks for the wonderful company!” and locking the door behind him left her apartment. He drove home and crashed from the long day.The next morning Darshini got up early as was her wont. She liked to go for an early morning run. She recollected the events of the night and wondered how she got to the bed. She walked out and saw the note from Anand and smiled. After she got back from the run, she took a shower and went over the events of the previous day. She felt jealous of Atulya. Like Anand, she’d never told anyone about her preference. There was a reason she like to dress in men’s clothes. She wanted her partner to be feminine but she didn’t find herself attracted to women – only to men who crossdressed. If only Anand had been unattached.She sighed as she ate the reheated left overs from yesterday. Enjoying it immensely, she sent a text to Anand saying “This tastes even better today”. Anand replied with a smiley and said “Enjoy!”.
The next day, being a Monday, Darshini went to the gym for weight training and then headed into work directly. She walked by Pushpa’s cube on the way to her office. Pushpa wasn’t at her desk. She asked one of her neighbors if she’s seen Pushpa.
The neighbor said that Pushpa has been deputed on an assignment with one of the managers. The woman said “You know, I heard that the manager asked for her specifically” and winked. “Why did you want to see her?”.“Oh, nothing important really. The other day, she was wearing a perfume and I thought it smelled nice. I was planning to get it for a friend. So thought I’d check with her”.The neighbor confirmed that it was the same brand that Anand had mentioned.Darshini got to her office and called a number.“Hotel Residency” said the voice at the other end of the line.“Can you please connect me to the room of Mrs. Atulya Anand?”.“Let me check… There’s no one by that name here ma’am but I do see a Ms. Atulya C.”.“She’s using her maiden name” thought Darshini as she said “Yes, that’s her. Please connect me”.The phone rang and Atulya picked up.“Hey, how was your journey? You never called once you landed”.“Oh sorry. Just been jet lagged and a bit busy”.Darshini thought she heard someone in the background. “Is there someone else in the room?”.“Umm, no. Well it is Pushpa. One of the secretaries from the office. They sent her along to help me out with scheduling meetings etc.”.“Right” thought Darshini.“Have you been to the client’s office already?”.“Yes, I have a lot of meetings setup for this week. Should have a clearer picture by the end of the week”.
“Great, let’s catch up at the end of the week, then”.“Ok, talk to you then”.“Listen, before I let you go, I wanted to see if you have sometime to catch up over the weekend”.“Yes, sure. How about Saturday morning your time? I can call you around 9?”.
“That sounds good. Talk to you at the end of the week” said Darshini before hanging up the phone.“So it was almost confirmed. Anand is right. It is time to confront Atulya” thought Darshini.The rest of the week passed without anything eventful. Darshini felt her thoughts repeatedly return to Anand. Friday came around and she had the conference call with Atulya and some of their colleagues. The client had provided the requirements. They could begin prefabrication at their end soon.On Friday evening, on a whim, Darshini called Anand.“Hi Darshini” said Anand.“Hi. Listen, I was wondering… I had such a good time talking to you last Saturday that I thought we could do it again”.“What you mean me cooking and you watching TV?” teased Anand.Darshini felt ashamed and didn’t respond.“Hey, I’m only teasing you. Of course it will be great to ‘meet and eat’ again. How about we do it at our place?”.“Sure, please send me anything that I should buy”.“Nothing at all. Well, except a bottle of wine if you’d like to. We don’t usually stock up as neither of us are wine drinkers”.“Ok, sounds good. What time?”.“How about like last week? You come in the early afternoon and stay for dinner”.“Great! See you then…”.Sensing that Darshini wanted to say something, Anand asked “Was there anything else?”.“I do have one other request. Please feel free to ignore. I’d like to see your alter ego”.Anand gasped. “I… I…”.“It’ll be just the two of us and I won’t make fun of you. I promise”.“Ok” said Anand half-heartedly.“Does your alter ego have a name?”.“Anandita” said Anand almost in a whisper.“I’ll see Anandita tomorrow then around 3pm” said Darshini and without giving Anand any time to protest, she cut the call.Anand stared at his phone and wondered what the hell he’d signed up for.The next morning, Atulya called at 9am promptly.“Hey! I’ll get right to the point. I think it is late for you there already” said Darshini.She heard many voices in the background.“What’s going on? Where are you?”.“Oh, at this bar/club” said Atulya.
“This is a serious conversation. Do you want to call me back at a different time?”.“No, now’s good. Here, let me step out”.
Just then, she heard a woman’s voice say “Where are you going, honey?”. Darshini immediately put a face to the voice. It was Pushpa’s.Atulya said “Be right back” and exited the bar saying “Ok, can talk now” to Darshini.“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” asked Darshini.“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on”.“Please don’t make me do this, Atulya. You and I have been friends for far too long for this kind of s***”.“Ok, fine. Yes, something is going on. Over the last nine months, I’ve realized that part of the problem with Anand is that I feel no sexual attraction to him. Instead, I feel attracted to women. I found that I enjoy their company and like having sex with them” said Atulya impatiently.“Why didn’t you tell Anand this upfront?”.
“Well, the b****** was having an affair behind my back too. So why should I tell him?”.“You told me that you found the perfume a month ago. By your own admission, you’ve been involved with Pushpa for far longer than that. So don’t you give me that bulls*** reason”.“Fine, yes”.“You hid part of the truth from me. I, like a fool, confronted him about your accusation thinking that I was acting in your best interests. Here I find that I was involved in a charade”.“So what did he say?”.“Well, it hardly matters now, does it?”.“You’re right. It is time I put this to rest”.“What do you mean?”.“Might as well get this out into the open”.
“You mean…”.“Yes”.“Are you sure that this is what you want?”.“I am”.“Ok” said Darshini in an aloof manner.Both sensed that the conversation had ended and hung up.Darshini was saddened on one level but her heart beat very loudly on the other.
That afternoon, Darshini dressed up in a man’s suit and headed over to Anand and Atulya’s place stopping to get a couple of wine bottles on the way.She rang the bell. There was no response for a few minutes. She rang the bell again. She heard foot steps shuffling to the door. The door opened.There stood Anandita. She looked very pretty and Darshini’s heart skipped a few beats as she drew in her breath but even more pressing was that Anandita was crying and her mascara had run leaving streaks on her face.
“Oh my god, what happened?”.Anandita thrust a sheaf of papers into Darshini’s hands and covered her face and started to cry. Darshini took a quick look. They were divorce papers sent by Atulya.“She must have had these prepared before she left” thought Darshini getting angry.“Did she call you this morning?” asked Darshini.Anandita shook her head.“The b****. She didn’t have the decency to tell him to his face or even over a phone call” thought Darshini her blood pressure rising.She dumped the papers on a side table and put her arms around Anandita. Anandita cried for about twenty minutes before calming down.“Is it because of my crossdressing? Did you tell her about it?”.Darshini shook her head sadly.“Then why?”.Darshini took Anandita’s hand and led her to the couch. She got some tissues and waited till Anandita cleaned up.“Now, no more crying. Is that understood?” said Darshini.
Anandita nodded.“That’s like a good girl. I’m going to tell you the circumstances of how this came about”. Darshini recounted everything from the beginning. Anandita gasped when she heard the part about Pushpa but otherwise listened quietly. When Darshini was done, Anandita quietly got up walked over to the table where Darshini had set the papers down, picked them up and walked over to where Darshini was sitting and picking up a pen started to sign the paperwork.Darshini watched speechless as Anandita calmly finished signing all the required pages.She got up and walked over to a desk and pulled out one of the drawers. She pulled a large envelope from it, put the papers in and sealed it.“Would you be kind enough to drop this off at the post office down the street? I’ll get coffee and some snacks ready by the time you’re here” she said calmly.Darshini did as she was ordered without opening her mouth. As she drove to the post office, she wondered about the transformation in Anandita. She mailed the envelope and headed back. Anandita opened the door. She’d fixed her make up and she looked breathtaking to Darshini.
“You know, if this is a difficult time, we can reschedule this” said Darshini tentatively.“Would you abandon me as well in this time of need?” asked Anandita point-blank.Darshini was taken aback by Anandita’s assertive behavior.“No, of course not. I just thought I should make you that offer”.“Thank you, but I’d rather prefer to have company”.Darshini nodded. Anandita went to the kitchen and brought out the coffee and some cookies.Darshini drank the coffee and it seemed to calm her nerves. She took one of the cookies and bit into it. “Wow, these taste divine. Where did you get them?” She asked.Anandita looked crossly at Darshini. “You MADE this?”.“Does that surprise you?”.“Of course it does. I didn’t know you were a wizard in the kitchen”.“How long did you know Atulya? In that time, did she ever look like a cook to you?”.“Indeed but wow” said Darshini taking another cookie.
“That’s the best compliment you could’ve given me” said Anandita smiling.After coffee, Darshini asked “Do you want to talk about what happened?”.“No, I don’t. I felt so much guilt thinking how I was screwing up our lives. Turns out that we were both screwing it up. We were both bad at our marriage compelled by our own desires. I felt a sense of relief hearing what you had to say. Now I think I’m really at peace both with that relationship and with myself as I am whether Anand or Anandita”.
“So, you don’t feel any anger towards Atulya?”.“None whatsoever. I hid things from her as did she from me. So who should start the blame game and who should end it? There is no end to this and will end up like one of our never-ending arguments” said Anandita.“You know, you just reinforced my belief that you’re one of the most decent human beings on this earth” said Darshini thinking to herself “God, how I wish I could tell her/him that I’m attracted to her/him. All I want to do is take her/him into my arms and kiss her/him”.“Would you like to dance?” Darshini blurted out.“Dance? As in like a western dance?” asked Anandita incredulously.“Yes”.“I don’t know the first thing about it”.“Well, I do”.Anandita looked at Darshini strangely.
Darshini laughed and said “My parents left me in a boarding school for girls from when I was ten years old till I graduated. The boarding school was run by nuns and dancing was part of the curriculum. Girls in the lower grades always danced the woman’s part while those in the upper grades dances the man’s part. So I’ve done both”.“What makes you think that I can learn it?”.
“My belief in your teacher” said Darshini and Anandita laughed out loud.Darshini showed Anandita how to stand and how to move her legs. Anandita was quick learner and she picked up the steps for a basic dance. Darshini streamed some music on her phone and they both danced together with Darshini taking the lead and Anandita following. Darshini taught Anandita another and then they danced to some more music. At the end of it, Anandita looked at the time and said “Oh my god, its late. I should get started on the cooking. As it is, we’re going to eat a late dinner”.As Anandita cooked, Darshini and she chatted about each other’s likes and dislikes. Darshini felt herself falling for Anandita more and more as the evening passed by. They had dinner while continuing their conversation about their pasts, families etc. The conversation felt so easy to both of them that they did not see the time pass. Darshini opened the second bottle of wine over the protests of Anandita.They drank late into the night and both got very tipsy. They both slept right there on the couch next to each other.The next morning Darshini woke up to the smell of coffee. She saw that she was lying on the couch with a blanket on her. She lifted her head up to see Anandita and not Anand was in the kitchen. Anandita was wearing a pastel green nightgown. Darshini sat up. Hearing her, Anandita turned around and smiled.
“Good morning” she called out.“Good morning” said Darshini looking at her watch. “There goes my run” she groaned.“I’ve set aside a new toothbrush for you in the bathroom” said Anandita.“Thanks” said Darshini as she padded over to the bathroom. After performing her morning routine, she came back out. Anandita waved her to the table where coffee and a croissant were waiting for her. She bit into the croissant which was so buttery and flaky that she was lost for words for some time. She wolfed down the rest of it and said “Don’t tell me that you made this too”.“Fresh from the oven this morning”.“At this rate, I’m going to be overweight soon” said Darshini sighing.“So, you intend to eat my cooking from now on?” asked Anandita with a sly smile.
Darshini sputtered and tried to come up with words but failed utterly.“I… I didn’t… mean it like that”.“So, how did you mean it?” demanded Anandita. “Are you the kind of person who just waltzes in expects someone to cook for them and waltzes out again?”.“No… it is not like that. I…”.“Or perhaps you even expect them to provide other favors whenever you fancy them?”.
Darshini got up and growled “Enough” and pulling Anandita to herself, kissed her. Anandita melted in her arms.
“God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that since I came to know that you were a crossdresser”.“So, I had to goad you into acting then. So typical of men” said Anandita.“And so typical of women to nag their men into acting” taunted Darshini.
Anandita came close and said “That is a woman’s prerogative”.They just stood there hugging and kissing each other. Finally, Darshini pulled Anandita’s hand and made her sit at the table. “I think we should define our relationship clearly. Otherwise, we will end up with pitfalls”.Anandita nodded.“So, first of all, do you want to be Anand or Anandita or both in the relationship?”.
“What about you? Do you want to be Darshini or Darshan?”.“Bravo, answering a question with another” said Darshini.
“I’m only trying to be what you want me to be” said Anandita.“And I’m trying to guess what you want me to be”.
“Ok, is it ok if I’m both in the relationship?” asked Anandita.“Nothing would please me more than that”.“That may mean that you have to be Darshan and Darshini too”.“Anand or Anandita are just names and forms. I’m only interested in the person below. And yes, I’m comfortable being either for you”.“Ok then. On days when I feel like being Anand, I’ll let you know”.“And on those days, I’ll try be as feminine a Darshini as possible”.“You don’t have to do that”.“But I want to”.“There is one other thing…”.“Yes dear”.“Do you want children?”.“Of course, with you, I do”.“Will you allow Anandita to be a mother to them from time to time?”.
“My god, you’re turning more and more into my fantasy. I don’t know if I can take it any more. In fact, you know what. Screw it. This conversation is over” said Darshini and stood up.She reached down and pulling Anandita by the hand walked over to the master bedroom. She gently pushed Anandita on the bed and undressed herself. Anandita pulled off her night gown as well. Darshini kissed Anandita and seeing her member get hard, she gently lowered herself onto Anandita. She rode her until they both climaxed one after the other.“Oh god, we didn’t use a condom” said Anandita and started to sit up. Darshini pushed her back on to the bed roughly and said “I know that. I want to see Anandita as a mother as soon as possible. So, the sooner we get started the better”.Anandita kissed her lover’s lips and they made love right through the day sustaining themselves only on the croissants from the morning.“Let’s get married the day after the divorce is final” said Darshini.“Whatever you say, dear” came the reply.
Six months later…Darshini walked into the kitchen. From the bump it was very evident that she was pregnant.“Damn you” she said to Anandita who was working in the kitchen.“You’re the one who wanted to see me be a mother” came the retort.
“Three more months to that” growled Darshini.Anandita came over and kissed Darshini on the lips and said “Let me relieve some of that tension”. She made Darshini sit on a high chair, got on her knees and started working on Darshini with her tongue. Darshini started to moan and scream as Anandita teased her into an orgasm.Afterwards, as they kissed and cuddled, the doorbell rang.Anandita tried to make herself look presentable and walked to the door. She opened the door and saw Atulya and Pushpa. “Come in” she said.“I see some people have been busy” said Atulya looking at Anandita’s disheveled appearance. Anandita blushed.Darshini walked over to the living room and hugged Atulya. “So what brings you to this neck of the woods?”.
Atulya exchanged glances with Pushpa and said “We have some news to share”.Darshini and Anandita looked at each other and then back at Atulya and Pushpa.“Yes, we decided to get married”.Anandita went over to Pushpa and hugged her.
“If someone had told me two years ago, that my future ex-husband would be married to my best friend and would be congratulating me on my marriage to my girlfriend, I’d have told them to go back to the institution that they came from” said Atulya smiling.“Indeed, life is weird” said Darshini quickly adding “but the best kind of weird” kissing Anandita as they settled in to eat freshly baked scones made by Anandita.